The things children say

Tilly age 9,  insists on being a donkey every year in the Church nativity because she was given the part of the donkey when she was in nursery. Over the years, different people have tried to persuade her to be a different part but she won't. Her reasoning has always been.....because  I'm good at being a donkey and I know what donkeys do.....

A child's prayer

 Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. I asked Him to help you put up with me."

The things children say

This week a friend of mine announced that her 5 year old child had come home from school and told her that she was going to be a radiator in the school nativity. She said that she really did not want to be a radiator! My friend was somewhat puzzled by her part in the play and set about googling plays to find out what exactly this part would entail. Her search came to no avail. 

Haha, do you know what the little girl meant when she said that she was to be a radiator? I got it right away, perhaps because I am a teacher.

God created the teacher

On the 6th day, God created men and women. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day - the 8th day - that God created the FIRST TEACHER.

This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women. The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11 PM, with no rest in between.

The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an air-tight classroom for six hours with thirty-five "monsters" on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 papers over Easter vacation. Yes, God made the TEACHER tough...but gentle, too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student... those of the sixteen-year old girl who was not asked to the prom.

And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven't arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.

And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the Teacher's heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class - it's boring!" and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a "goodbye," let alone a "thank you."

And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell... hoping not to have lunchroom duty... hoping that Friday would come... hoping for a free day... hoping for deliverance.

When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of His hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good! And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future.

He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS. And because God loves TEACHERS so much... on the 9th day God created... SNOW DAYS!

Children and humour

TEACHER: Michael, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

MICHAEL: A teacher

Truth and humour

Nowhere will you find more truth and humour than the innocence of a child...

While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. 

Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and  walked over to the wheelchair.  Placing his hand on the man's, he said, "I know how you feel. My mum makes me ride in the stroller too."

First Grader Answers

A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her Clarkston, MI class. She presented each child in her class the first half of a well known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you. While reading, keep in mind that these are just 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic... although sad to see it said!

1. Don't change horses........................... until they stop.
2. Strike while the.................................. bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before................... Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of..... termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but....... how?
6. Don't bite the hand that..................... looks dirty.
7. No news is.......................................... impossible.
8. A miss is as good as a......................... Mister.
9. You can't teach an old dog new.......... math.
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll........ stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust.................................... me.
12. The pen is mightier than the............. pigs.
13. An idle mind is.................................. the best way to relax.
14. Where there's smoke there's............ pollution.
15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is............................... not much.
17. Two's company, three's..................... the Musketeers
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what....... you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs
        with you, cry and............................. you have to blow your nose.
20. There are none so blind as................ Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not....... spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed............... get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only
        what you......................................... see in the picture on the box.
24. When the blind lead the blind........... get out of the way.

And the WINNER is... the last one...

25. Better late than................................ pregnant.

Dead Duck (hahaha)

A little girl came home from school

A little girl came home from school and said to her mother:

'Mummy, today in school I was punished for something that I didn't do.'

The mother exclaimed, 'But that's terrible.  I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this ... by the way, what was it that you didn't do?'

The little girl replied, 'My homework.'

Children's funny quotes

Michael, after his first day at school, returned home and told his mother, 'I'm wasting my time at school. I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk.'

an interesting statement by a child..

Dear God

Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the one you got now?

Dr Seuss explains computers

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted 'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house,
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer, and be sure to tell your mom.

School Answering Machine

Hello!
You have reached the automated answering service of your child's school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all options before making a selection:

To stretch the truth about why your child is absent, Press 1.

To make excuses for why your child did not do homework, Press 2.

To complain about what we do, Press 3.

To cuss out staff members, Press 4.

To ask why you didn't get needed information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and bulletins sent home with your child, Press 5.

To request another teacher for the third time this year, Press 6.

To complain about school bus transportation, Press 7.

To complain about school lunches, Press 8.

To argue about documented test results, Press 9.

If you want us to raise your child, Press 0.

If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable/responsible for his/her own behavior, classwork, homework, and that it's not the teachers fault for your child(ren)'s lack of effort... Hang up and have a nice day!